People Who Matter:
Alex Pettyfer: John/Number 4
Timothy Olyphant: Henri
Teresa Palmer: Number 6
Dianna Agron: Sarah
A teenager from the planet Lorien (Pettyfer) is on the run across the country with his protector Henri (Olyphant) from ruthless and evil guys (from the planet Mogador) that want to kill him because he was one of the Nine children that escaped from Lorian during what I'm sure was an enthralling battle. These Nine children are "gifted" and that is supposed to protect them from these evil people that for some reason want them all dead, but that obviously isn't working as they are getting picked off left and right. Right from the get-go, there are so many questions that are completely ignored by the filmmakers, but whatever. I sat there and tried to bite.
Until I saw the Evils on the screen, which literally made me chuckle out loud. They look like Lord Voldemort fucked a fish, and they were the less intimidating, mentally-handicapped offspring. They are made even more ridiculous by their massive tribal head tattoos. And why is it that these guys have gill-like slits on their faces, yet the Numbered kids (from what I assume is a close planet to the Evils, judging by how pissed off these big bad dudes are at the kids) are completely hot and fit right into everyday America? How can they all survive here in the first place? Why are these kids so important that they are getting inter-galactically chased at all? My frustration with this movie started at the very beginning and didn't stop until the very end.
John is cockblocked by his leg glowing, signaling Number Three had just been taken down, so Henri packs their crap and moves them to Paradise, Ohio. Pretty quickly, John meets a few high school cliches: the hot but tortured cheerleader-turned-photographer, the jock ex of said tortured artist, and the nerd who's really a great guy once you get to know him (because all guys who look like John totally hang out with UFO-obsessed nerds). Of course, John falls in love with the first girl he meets, the photographer Sarah (Agron) much to the dismay of her ex-boyfriend Mark (Jake Abel), but that doesn't matter because when Loriens love, they love FOREVER.
Henri gets frustrated with John, possibly because he lets his little girlfriend take stalker-ish pictures of him and put him on the Internet, or possibly because he insisted on enrolling in high school even though he is from another planet and they are obviously way smarter than we are (they traveled from Lorien to Earth and got here while they were still young and hot). Henri wants John to stay off the grid which John refuses to do. Instead, he chooses to stay in school even when his hands start lighting up, and beating up bullies on the weekend to protect his girlfriend and his new-found nerdy best friend (Callan McAuliffe).
Eventually (and painfully too much time passes before this happens) the Evils catch wind of where John is hanging out (it probably showed up in their News Feeds) and they come with a vengeance. It all comes to head in an "epic" battle at the high school in which Number Six comes and saves the day. Before that, though, there are some weird flying things that resemble squirrels more than anything else (who are just as intimidating as their Voldemort-fish handlers) who try to take out the Numbers, but their glowing fists are just too powerful.
The CGI is just as cheesy and lame as the rest of the movie. It tries so hard to ride the coat tails of Harry Potter and Twilight but ends up doing everything epically wrong. Even the actors don't seem to be that interested in what they are doing. Honestly, the only people who should watch this movie are the family members of the actors (because they have to) but even they will probably be counting the minutes until they can bolt from their seats.
3 out of 10
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