People Who Matter
Miley Cyrus: Ronnie Miller
Liam Hemsworth: Will Blakelee
Greg Kinnear: Steve Miller
Bobby Coleman: Jonah Miller
Ronnie (Cyrus) and her younger brother Jonah (Coleman) are forced into moving in with their father (Kinnear) for the summer. Apparently Ronnie's teen angst has become too much for her mother to handle. And man, this girl is angsty. Her parents got divorced and she blames the ordeal entirely on her father. Ronnie launched herself into a self-destructive depression in which she steals and (GASP) stops playing piano. Jonah seems much better acclimated to the new living conditions, and is more than ecstatic about spending the summer bonding with his dad.
Ronnie on the other hand, is a bitch from the moment she steps on the screen. I'm sorry, but how am I supposed to feel any sort of compassion for this girl when she is a complete asshole for absolutely no reason? She has a total of two looks throughout the entire thing (sneering and scowling) and only one voice (deep and manly). Add that to how she treats her father, who seems like a genuinely good guy, and I hated her from start.
But of course, the town hunk Will (Hemsworth) immediately becomes interested in her, despite the fact that she was a bitch to him as well. This is probably not the best message to be sending to young girls (who have to be the target audience of this shit shoot... Miley Cyrus is apparently still a big draw)... be a bitch and the boys will still chase after you. Great life lessons there, Sparks. Will comes with his own baggage (he's a total man-slut), something that makes Ronnie irate even though they had only been on one date and couldn't possibly have been in "that place" yet.
The next hour passes with musical montage scenes where Ronnie and Will are falling in love, but then they will get into a fight over something stupid, but then they will realize that their two-week love is something that just isn't going away, so they will make up and be happy for another few minutes or so. Ugh. The entire thing is contrived and forced and neither actor seems interested in anything but making out. Which they do. A lot. Nothing else though... this is a PG Disney movie, after all.
Anyways, Jonah seems just as exasperated with his bitch of a sister as I was, but does immerse himself into a stupid subplot with his father involving stained glass windows. I'm assuming this was inserted into the movie just so there can be some sort of religion in there, because again, this is Sparks we are dealing with here. It has to take place in the South, it has to involve rich people in some way, shape, or form, there has to be some terminal disease, and there has to be religion. Sparks is just as predictable in this one as he has been in every one before it, however, the other ones usually involve actors who know what they are doing and have some chemistry. The Last Song has neither.
Ronnie on the other hand, is a bitch from the moment she steps on the screen. I'm sorry, but how am I supposed to feel any sort of compassion for this girl when she is a complete asshole for absolutely no reason? She has a total of two looks throughout the entire thing (sneering and scowling) and only one voice (deep and manly). Add that to how she treats her father, who seems like a genuinely good guy, and I hated her from start.
But of course, the town hunk Will (Hemsworth) immediately becomes interested in her, despite the fact that she was a bitch to him as well. This is probably not the best message to be sending to young girls (who have to be the target audience of this shit shoot... Miley Cyrus is apparently still a big draw)... be a bitch and the boys will still chase after you. Great life lessons there, Sparks. Will comes with his own baggage (he's a total man-slut), something that makes Ronnie irate even though they had only been on one date and couldn't possibly have been in "that place" yet.
The next hour passes with musical montage scenes where Ronnie and Will are falling in love, but then they will get into a fight over something stupid, but then they will realize that their two-week love is something that just isn't going away, so they will make up and be happy for another few minutes or so. Ugh. The entire thing is contrived and forced and neither actor seems interested in anything but making out. Which they do. A lot. Nothing else though... this is a PG Disney movie, after all.
Anyways, Jonah seems just as exasperated with his bitch of a sister as I was, but does immerse himself into a stupid subplot with his father involving stained glass windows. I'm assuming this was inserted into the movie just so there can be some sort of religion in there, because again, this is Sparks we are dealing with here. It has to take place in the South, it has to involve rich people in some way, shape, or form, there has to be some terminal disease, and there has to be religion. Sparks is just as predictable in this one as he has been in every one before it, however, the other ones usually involve actors who know what they are doing and have some chemistry. The Last Song has neither.
By the time the big dramatic twist happens, I'm so uninterested that I didn't even care. It's something I have seen so many times before and will see so many more times. Especially since Sparks seems hell-bent on writing books that make it on the big screen until the end of time. And with such a winning formula (cue sarcasm), what can go wrong?
Le sigh. Nicholas Sparks attempts to cash in on yet another one of his novels that are so beloved by middle-aged women having emotional crises. I had no intention of ever watching this movie, but once again I let my friend (who I love to death, but bless her she loves some terrible ass movies) talk me into "just giving it a shot." It was just as bad as I knew it would be. Combine that with the fact that I hate Miley Cyrus, who for some reason seems worse than normal in this one, and this was almost two hours of hell for me. Everything about it fails, except for the sea turtles. Those little bastards are cute.
3 out of 10
3 out of 10
No comments:
Post a Comment