The Switch (2010)

People Who Matter: 

Jason Bateman:  Wally Mars

Jennifer Aniston:  Kassie Larson

Patrick Wilson:  Roland

Thomas Robinson:  Sebastian

Here we go again...  Jennifer Aniston in yet another cookie-cutter romantic comedy that is mediocre all the way through.   This one at least attempted to be interesting and unique though, so I will give them that.  For once, Aniston's co-star steals the show from her.  Maybe she's losing her touch, or maybe she finally got a co-star that can actually act.  

Wally and Kassie are best friends despite the fact that they dated many years ago and something (it's never really explained) happened to break them up.  Ever since, Wally has attempted to date other women but ultimately none of them work out either.  Of course it's because he's in love with Kassie, but it wouldn't be a very interesting movie if he figured that out from the get-go.  Actually, this movie isn't that interesting at all, so I kinda wish he had figured it out a lot sooner. 

Anyway, Kassie decides that she wants a baby and doesn't want to wait for Mr. Right to come around, so she does what any rational woman would do and gets a sperm donor.  Judging by the company she keeps (her girlfriends thought it would be a good idea to throw a party for her the night she receives the seed), I can't say I'm surprised she hasn't found a husband.  Anywho, at said party, Wally gets incredibly drunk (he is depressed because Kassie turned down his offer to be the donor) and switches his sperm with that of the rock-climbing donor Roland (Wilson).  Not even kidding.  Like I said, at least they get points for it being original, regardless of how stupid it is.  Kassie decides New York isn't the best place to raise a baby and heads to her parents' hometown in Minnesota or some such place. 

It picks back up a few years later.  Kassie is back in town for good with her now 6-year-old son Sebastian.  Sebastian is... an interesting child.  He is obsessed with collecting picture frames, but with the original generic pictures kept inside.  He makes up stories for everyone in the pictures, assigning them roles in his family.  He is delightfully charming and the very best part of this movie.  

Even during Wally and Sebastian's first scene together, it is very obvious that Wally is the father.  Obvious to everyone except those involved, of course.  You see, the night Wally swapped the spooge, he was so drunk he blacked out and has no recollection of it.  After a few days spent with Sebastian, he starts to get suspicious of their similar mannerisms.  He, with the help of his friend Leonard (Jeff Goldblum, hilarious as always) started to piece together the night and his memories start coming back.  

All the while he is starting to realize his feelings for Kassie, she is getting closer and closer to the newly divorced "donor" Roland.  Wally tries again and again to convince her this is a bad idea, but she is a stubborn woman and doesn't listen.  Therein lies a huge problem with not just this movie, but almost all romantic comedies.  It could all be solved if Wally had just told her what he did and admitted his feelings.  But no, they feel the need to drag it out while she gets closer and closer to another guy.  It's stupid.  Who are these people?

Rant over.  Sebastian hates Roland, because he has the uncanny child-ability of a no-bullshit detector and even he understands his IQ is higher than his supposed father.  Roland pushes it, and in all fairness he does try to get closer to the kid, but Sebastian isn't having any of it.  Kassie doesn't seem to care though.  You would think a mother who is completely devoted to her child would make his feelings a little higher priority than her own... but whatever.   

Eventually... well I don't really need to tell you.  You have seen a rom-com before, and they all end in almost the exact same way.  The only saving grace with this one is Sebastian.  That little kid is awesome, but even he can't save his boring "parents" and their lack of chemistry.  They are so robotic and so unbelievable, it's almost like watching siblings trying to do a romantic scene.  And I'm not talking about backwoods Kentucky where that actually happens. 

It's amazing that Jennifer Aniston still takes these bullshit roles.  She is a very well-known actress, yet continually makes these God-awful movies that get terrible reviews.  She needs to either fire her agent or just take some time off.  Her career is sinking further and further into the toilet.  For a far more entertaining movie about insemination, watch The Kids Are All Right.   That movie kicked ass.  This movie blows.  

4 out of 10